Life is really unfair at my side here... Really can't stop myself from complaining in my only solace. You may choose to disagree, but as my title mentioned: MY THOUGHTS, MY SAY.
Remembering the times, when i used to work in a packaging factory for long hours, up to 13 hours a day including OTs that mostly end at 10.30pm and once 11pm. I used to have huge headache that really stopped me from going work. The cause of my headache is due to sleep deprivation. So i really need the sleep and give myself a break for a day. This happens once in a while, as the OTs really goes on and on for weeks.
My mum would then come home from work and find that i am still sleeping and did not went to work for those days. She would then comment that i should not do so, as i am being very irresponsible. In work, you cannot do so...
Coming back to NOW, my dearest bro found a temp job in a warehouse that deals with many different subjects books that are of course thick and heavy. (They only employ guys, by the way.) Today, he did his longest OT, which lasts till 9.30pm. My mum was complaining that he should have rejected, as there are only 3 guys doing the OT. She also comment that it was a tiring and tedious job. He should have lied that he had something on and the latest he can work is 7.30pm.
I mean hey, lying is an irresponsible act too. Am i wrong to say that?
Looking back, it all seems so contradicting...
Yes, my job as a packer is of course not as tedious as his. But hey, it does not mean it is not tiring for my body. I still have to carry some stuff occasionally that is heavy in my sense. The structure of men and women are different in the very first place- a FACT.
Many a times, through my years in life, i have some very conflicting ideas with my mum. In such situations, i chose to remain silent, listen to my heart and chose my own way. Maybe that is why, i am someone who go according to my wishes.
I chose not to engage in her help. Well, sometimes, i do, but it only goes to show that my efforts are again- futile.
Due to some comparisons that have been ongoing in life, i chose not to allow her to know about some things that i know of. My gpa- is a good and classic example. People don't have to put it clear cut that you are loser, you can always feel from their expression when they heard that the other person did so much better than you do.
Indeed, many a times, i am a loser as compared to him. Since young. No matter what, people still think that he is much superior than me.
When i am having vacations and found a job, no one commented that i have matured or anything. But during studies, i chose to concentrate on studies and did not want to get a job. They would comment that i am so thoughtless, did not think for my mum who is slogging her life away. On the other hand, neither did my bro find a job during his studies nor during vacations. But no one commented anything about it. No one said that he is thoughtless...
I am not saying this to show that i try very hard to gain approval. After all these years, i don't give a hoot to how my relatives look at me. I only hope to gain some approval from my mum.
Just recently, some idiot sms me once in a blue moon to ask about my gpa. My mum was in the same room as me and i commented about that idiot's actions. That's it, she knows that my gpa is finalised and published. I have to give her an answer.
But seriously, i don't think she would come for my grad ceremony and to put it bluntly, i won't be inviting her too. She has already made it clear that she won't fit in the ceremony and of course, she would be working then. Nonetheless, i am going to enjoy myself during the ceremony and lift my head high as i receive my diplomas.
I ought to be proud of myself for my persistence in completing 2 diplomas in 3 years. It was really stressful and many a times, yes, i did thought of giving up. But i still managed to complete the target that i have set for myself at the very start.
Well done! *pats back*
posted by jyology at
11:20 PM
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